Its been three weeks since my last blog. How time has flown! It has been a rough recovery, not being able to go on with my normal life - no working out, volleyball, tennis :( However, last week I decided that I had enough and went salsa dancing! It was worth the pain :) Then I figured I would start my own PT, so I got a group together to go canoeing on Saturday. It was awesome! Again, a little sore, but slowing building things back up. I feel almost normal again. Not going to push it too hard, but I feel like I put my life on hold the last three weeks (or 2 1/2).
I have to say I am experiencing the feeling of conviction. I came home from my mission's trip prepared to work on my spiritual walk. I was sick for two weeks, caught up with life for a week, and then was recovering from my injury for the last three. God gave me plenty of down time to spend with him and I tried, but didn't have the best attitude about it because my body was not 100% and I could not do everything that I wanted and was used too. I could have used that time in such a more productive way. I did however follow the Olimpics which were pretty awesome. Instead of reading, writing, and reflecting...
However, this last week has been really good for me. I have actually sat down and started reflecting, and reading, and... Wait I just planned 2 trips this month, filled up almost every weekend in September and October and started thinking about all the places I want to visit on my two weeks off in December... Maybe I haven't quite figured it all out yet..
I have been thinking of what I have accomplished in the last 8 months. I can't believe it will be September this weekend. My goal will be to put a little concrete thought to this year and how I have changed and what I have been through.
Point of my rambles - The holy spirit is trying to convict me and bring me closer to him and every time he catches me, I slip through and find the next adventure. I pray that God will follow me and be with me in all these adventures and bring light and direction in the midst of my plans...
hmmm...things to ponder... Maybe blogging will be good and help me with some clarity.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
A Long Weekend and an Answer to Prayer
Well, the weekend started off great and then came to a screaching halt! I was at my sister's on Saturday morning and we were training her new horse Freeze. He is a retired Harness racing horse and most of his training consisted of trotting as fast as possible pulling a buggy. He doesn't realize that he is allowed to trot slow :-/ Well, he wasn't very comfortable doing some of the exercises and freaked out on me. I lost my footing, then my balance, almost had everything under control and in a split second as he got frisky again, I decided to bail before he was running full tilt across the yard. I rolled off, landed on my back and had the wind knocked out of me. Yeah, a little rough. I had a hard time breathing and as I managed to roll over, realized that I was coughing up blood...yeah, not a good thing, so that was just the beginning. Praying the whole way to the hospital, as I was scared to breathe deep and cough up more blood... I made it to the hospital, got checked in.
So picture this, sitting on a hospital bed hooked up to a heart monitor, oxygen and an IV. After many checks - chest x-ray, CT scan and back x-ray and 3 1/2 hours later, they could not find anything wrong, could not figure out why I was coughing up blood. I was extremely sore and could feel the bruising, but no internal issues or broken bones. Praise God! So now my main issue is sleeping - there is no comfortable position, but I know within a couple weeks I will be back to my normal self!
Here is a picture 3 hours after I was released. This is me and my ER twin. We had made plans to hang out Sat afternoon and after calling her, found out she too had spent the morning in the ER (different hospitals). We decided a little time with a view of the water would help make up for the fact of spending time in the hospital! Yes, I still managed to find a way to smile :)
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Saturday, February 03, 2007 Silence This week has somehow all come together. It started with my small group on Tuesday. We were supposed to cover a study that I participated in a couple months ago and I was excited to hear that they changed their topic and now we are reading a book called Making Room for Life. As an introduction, we saw a video from nummo called "silence". It made us all aware of how much noise there is in our lives. I mean look how different things are from last century, how much technology has really changed our lifestyles. It seems like we always have the TV, radio, cd player, cell phone or computer on. When is the last time there was pure silence, your mind not being distracted by someone talking or hear the traffic buzz by. What is your schedule like? Do you ever leave time to just sit and ponder? Or are you too busy with the hustle and bustle of life? How important is listening in your relationship with God? Are you aware of what he has for you or do you only have time to tell him what you want and how you are doing? How much effort do we put into making sure we put this time aside or do we just give him the leftover time? Do we anticipate when he will speak to us or do we give him free rain? One of the passages we read was I Kings 19:10 where the Lord is talking to Elijah and told him he to go stand on the mountain because God was going to pass by. Many things passed by and he was in none of them, but then came the gentle whisper. What if this was us and we grew impatient. What if we anticipated when and how he would come and left before we heard from him. When I heard this immediately an analogy came to mind. I really enjoy dancing. You may ask what does this have to do with hearing from God? Well, as a follow/female, the lead has control over the dance, and the follow may have a little input, but to have a smooth dance, the follow cannot anticipate. I have found myself getting use to dancing with certain people and I have certain expectations, but when I dance with someone new, I just close my eyes and follow their lead wherever they go. I know they are in control and to have the best performance possible and get the best results, I don't question their lead and I don't anticipate. I feel like that is how my relationship should be with God. That was only 2 days ago and I have allowed myself to start listening. Let's just say that I woke up at 5:00 this morning and I knew there had to be a reason. I was wide awake and there was total silence. My mind just started working and ideas just fell into place. I don't really know how to explain it, but I felt like God was showing me things in my life. Then to continue on my way into work, I was listening to the new CD that my friend Jen made me (or should I say that she made for everyone in our small group :) ) and I was flipping though a few songs without thinking and I ended up playing "Word of God Speak" by Big Daddy Weave. This song just describe my situation for the day and really just cemented things into place. So this all comes down to silence, it is a very important part of our life! Wednesday, January 24, 2007 One more thing... So, a lot happened after my last trip and it brought on a new idea. I have two weeks off in July and I have been trying to decide what to do. I have always wanted to go on a mission's trip, so I have been praying about it lately and am asking God to open a door. One thing I am considering is a conference/missions trip in Isreal. I received an email about 5 minutes after I got the idea back on Jan 9th with this link in it http://www.onethingjerusalem.com/ and I could also volunteer for an additional week for another ministry such as the Joseph Storehouse www.visionforisrael.com/index-2.html. It is a place that I have been considering for a year. I am open to other ideas, but for some reason my heart is on this one, or maybe it is because I am having a hard time finding a mission's trip during this time frame?? I just wanted to see if anyone had any ideas or for that matter wants to join me, let me know. I am pulled into the ministry of light construction or any kind of physical work or even an encouragement or dance ministry. But I guess I will have to wait and see what is in store for me :) Snow and Solitude... Can I just tell you how much I love the snow! I was driving home tonight and these big huge flakes were hitting my windshield. It is just so peaceful and beautiful! I can't wait till it snows enough to go sledding, so if anyone is up for it let me know! I can be easily convinced to bundle up and go play :)
Now I am home alone just enjoying the peaceful night and it makes me realize how great life is and how amazing my friends are. This week, I have been surrounded by some pretty special people. I am certainly blessed! It's interested to see life progress. The times when everything seems so hectic and then a breaking point when time seems to just pause and you take a step back to take it all in. I love these times of silence and solitude :)
Saturday, January 20, 2007 It's been a while... I can't believe it has been 2 months since I posted anything! I actually got a journal and have been keeping a lot of my thoughts to myself, but I woke up this morning and decided to add to my blog. I'll just start by saying that it's been an interesting couple months....I feel like I have been on a roller coaster. I have this habit of just living my life and not realizing some of the bad habits that I get into or letting people down until after the fact then trying to rectify it. So, I changed my title to "No Regrets". I will try to live my life and not have any regrets. I will not focus on the "what ifs". Here's to the present and the future :)
Where did this stem from? I've been studying Ecclesiastes and it has been enlightening, but at the same time a little depressing...you may ask why? This book deals with the topic "Life is Meaningless'...or is it? Well, since digging into this book, without even thinking about it, I have started seeing people living meaningless lives. That is if you take the definition from Solomon - living to fill their lives with daily pleasures, living to profit from making as much money as they can or trying to get ahead in life, etc. This has really made me examine my own life. Even when making my new year's resolutions, I found myself doing some of the same, granted I have to agree that life is a balance. But the first things that came to mind were about me, how to make myself a better person. How can I live a more fulfilling and meaningful life? I want to live to make a difference! That sounds so simple, but it is so easy to get caught up in our own lives and issues. I have also found that in order to make it a little easier, I must surround myself with those type of people. I love working as a team to see things happen. We talked about this on Monday in my bible study. The challenge is to make them happen. I keep pondering what role I am supposed to play, what gifts has God has given me? There are many avenues I can go down, it's kind of like figuring out what job/career you are best suited for. What field will you succeed in, what will bring you the most happiness? We shall see... I am going to take the next month to focus on this and see where it leads me :)
Monday, November 20, 2006
Life Guidelines...
My one task for the week was to go through the bible and find verses that meant a lot to me. I have had my bible for many years and am constantly highlighting certain verses and sections that spark an interest. I went through both the old and the new testament to try to draw parallels between the two. The verses that I focused on were guidelines to living life, to be a better person, to make a difference. I ended up spending a lot of time doing this and here is what I came up with. This is only the beginning - there is so much more...
Let me start with this saying...
May God give you for every storm, a rainbow, for every tear, a smile, for every care, a promise and a blessing in each trial. For every problem life sends, a faithful friend to share. For every sigh, a sweet song, and an answer for every prayer.
Favorite Verses to Live By....
Jeremiah 29:11-13
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Matthew 6:33-34
33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Psalm 25:4-5
4 Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; 5 guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
Psalm 18:2
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Romans 15:13
13May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Luke 6:27-31 Love for Enemies
27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Philippians 2:1-12 - Imitating Christ's Humility
1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: 6Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross! 9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, 10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
James 1:12
12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
Ephesians 6:10-11 - The Armor of God
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
Philippians 4:10-13 - Thanks for Their Gifts
10I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:4-7
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Thessalonians 5:16-18
16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Jude 1:20-21
20But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. 21Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.
Romans 6:22-23
22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Hebrews 5:13-14
13Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
John 15:5
5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Time is passing....
Do you ever feel like time is standing still, but the days keep on passing? Trying to see what direction life is heading and having no idea. Today has just been one of those days. What is the meaning to life? What am I doing and what is going to be my next encounter? How have the people in my life affected me and how have I affected them? Have they steered me in the right direction or am I being lead down the wrong path. Too much time to think. I think that is why I keep myself busy most of the time. But now it is time to focus on me. Maybe that is why life seems to be going in slow motion. Hmmm...... Will I be able to actually figure things out or will the winter depression take over? Time will only tell....
Monday, October 30, 2006
Consumed
My heart is beating so fast and my mind is whirling, there is so much going on and I don't know where to begin. That last 48 hours have been an experience. So many things have happened and I feel as if they were all meant for a reason. I decided to set this weekend aside to see where I was in life and where I am heading - making no plans and seeing how everything fell into place. I let God take charge, with him as the focus of the decisions that came about.
Then Sunday morning I received a powerful message about being consumed and on fire for God. I want to be surround by his presence and to feel how real he is. Until you experience this, it is hard to imagine. By the end of service, I had tears running down my face, just so touched and alive. Then, I felt led to go to another service, which is the basis of my small group. This cemented some of the ideas around community and being able to make a difference in a person's life, to reach out and touch someone outside your normal circle of friends. To go out of your comfort zone every once in a while. This led me to having lunch with a group of people after church. I was walking out of church alone, and a girl asked me to join them for lunch. The pastor made it a point to say yes to the next person to invite you to do something. I said yes and before you knew it, I was having lunch with an amazing group of people from different backgrounds, sharing our testimonies and struggles of how we came to the point we are now. What a difference just saying yes will make.
It's hard to give up control. It's hard to really know what God wants for our lives. We need to stay in the presence of God in order to keep our fire burning. We need to ask ourselves how many times have we felt the presence of God this week? Is it throughout the day, once a day, once a week? Is God a part of your daily life? So many Christian live in the dark when they could have a glowing fire, ambers that are constantly hot, ready to produce fire and an intensity. Fire will transform us from the inside out. Going through the motions will only leave us with an empty feeling. Just remember that God's fire is not dependant on you building it properly, if you open the door for him to enter and really desire it, he will ignite the fire in you. Just know that you must feed it in order to keep it from going out. I pray that God will use me to help feed the fires that others have in their lives and that they in turn will help me keep mine burning. God will take it from there if you let him!
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Resting
To keep that rested, listening position with God, I'm learning that,
1. You have to have time alone with the Lord daily.
2. Make sure you don't have any unconfessed sin in your life.
Check to see if you have anything against your brother or if he has something against you.
3. Make sure you are continually casting your cares on God and are not gripping or holding on to things you can't control anyway.
4. You must constantly be checking to see who is living in your body, who are you feeding, are you fulfilling the lusts of the flesh or the spirit, what kind of seeds are you planting in your life?
5. It's important to control your thoughts. Take your life day by day, listen to what God is telling you TODAY, and don't worry about future direction, future grace, future growing. 6. Focus on His love and who He is and trust Him! He knows what you need, trust Him!
7. Be obedient to what you know He has called you to do or be. Don't second guess what you've heard from Him, don't turn back, don't contemplate something different from what He wants for you and whatever you do, do NOT compare what YOU want to what GOD wants. :)
8. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing and in EVERYTHING give thanks.
9. Minister constantly to others, share what the Lord is sharing with you, give what you have received, encourage others.
10. Keep in mind that what you are waiting for will far exceed anything the world or you yourself could offer. The infinite preciousness of His all-satisfying promises... there is no comparison. Wait for His perfect will. Wait for His perfect plan. Wait for His blessing. :)
"Blessed is the man that heareth me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors. For whoso findeth me findeth life, and shall obtain favour of the Lord." Prov. 8:34
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Thirsty?
Another great word, it seems like every time I focus on God's will my life is touched. Today, Pastor Scott talked about John 4 - "Jesus and the Samaritan Women". In this parable, Jesus offers the women living water, so she will never thirst again. So many times, we try to fill our lives with earthly things instead of with God and what he has for us. We are tempted to go to the "natural" well and drink from it. However, eventually our flesh will acquire a taste for well water. The problem is, the more we are tempted, the more that we lust for those things until they consume us. However, we are never truly happy, we are never truly satisfied. If we reach out to God in these times and drink the living water, he will fill us, he will fulfill our needs. He will satisfy what we long for. We need to look at our lives and see where we are trying to fill it with earthly things. It is like trying to fit a piece of a puzzle that's not the right size, no matter which way we turn it or flip it, it will never fit. God will always fit into those places and you will never thirst again.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Reassurance
Today was a long day at work and more than ever, I just wanted to go home and just not think! But I decided that I needed to be in church tonight. I needed to face the issues, not ignore them. The next question was which church... As usual, my default is Zion. Every time I go there, I get an awesome word, so despite the memories it brings back, I knew that was where I was supposed to be. It was just what I needed! Let's just say I was literally glowing when I walked out at the end of the service. God is so good, he knew just what I needed to hear. I have been struggling with a few issues, which I found peace about and I was able to touch three people since I left church, less then 3 hours ago. Sometimes I don't feel like I make a difference, but it's times like these when I know God is using me :) Esther was the book of choice tonight. There were many messages, but these were a few that I came away with:
Faithfulness is rewarded. The unfaithfulness will be judged in due time. It is God's duty to judge, not yours. Grudges will only hold you back. God has a plan for our lives, if we stay faithful, he will bring us through. It may not be the way we have in mind and it may not be easy.
Value for standing on one's own conviction - I'm going to do what is right. In the end, it will be worth it! I'm going to be faithful, I will walk in obedience! We have many desires of the flesh and they continue to tempt us and we always seem to have excuses to make it seem okay. We need to stand up against them, because we know what is right. The holy spirit seems to remind us of this on a daily basis!
The kindgom of God is advancing and we have the choice to be a part of it. It will happen with or without you (Esther 4:14). Do you want to be a part of it and reap the blessing? Or do you want to sit back and watch. God wants each and everyone of us to be part of his plan.
Finally, the service ended with Matthew 6:31 "So, do not worry, saying 'what shall we eat?' or 'what shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?', 33 "but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you"
We need to be kingdom minded!
